Dr Jekyll and......

So Here I am just feeling absolutely miserable for the past week and a half, trying to analyze every teeny bit of my life and why this horrendous feeling of self pity has completely overcome me..and then I realized I haven't had ONE BIT of chocolate during that time and chalked it up to SEVERE Sarah Lee and Ben and Jerry's withdrawal...

No, but on a more serious note it has been quite rough lately with all of the ups and down of our little Caylah bear. One minute she's on her way to rehab and the next she has a bacteremia infection (which she has been fighting like a champ) Knock Knock :)

The worst is when you feel like you have no one else to blame but your poor signifigant other. I'll give you a pretty vivid example of how my poor hubby has been the brunt of my anger lately..... So I come home from my usual chaotic and mildly OCD day at Children's, and I'm completely fine..I go about my usual routine of errands and housework. I finally sit down at around 7:00pm to my DVR'd "Keeping up with the Kardashians" (don't hate me, a girls gotta indulge once in a while) and hubby walks in the door, I kid you not it was like the craziest of craziest light switches you had ever seen.... Every question he asked I would answer with a yup, nope, or a snobby shrug of my shoulders. What the heck just happened to me? I was in such a blissful state about to watch my show, and there it was "Mrs Hyde" appearing before my eyes. Chris kept asking "What's wrong" "Did I do something wrong"?, and again I would answer with a "nope". Poor guy..all he wants to do is head to the gym after a long day of work and here he is having to follow me around wondering what in the world he did to make me angry "TODAY" So the more he sat there staring at me preparing dinner I couldn't help but reem into him for the most absurd and obscure reason. You know what I said to him that makes me just wanna laugh so hard I poop my pants (well NOW, not THEN) "you know why I'm mad a you" I said, "it's because I just FEEL like your about to do something wrong" Now...Who say's that???? So after a huge guffaw from my hubby, he came over and gave me a big hug, and it was then that I realized he deserves a NORMAL wife :)

Well..I don't know, blame it on crazy hormones or the lack of chocolate but boy do I need to get out more...

So, as I was getting ready for my day today, I went through my usual ritual of trying on about two to three outfits before settling with what I want to wear. As I'm looking at my first outfit, I wasn't too thrilled about the way that the sweater looked with the jeans, so I thought well, I'll try another sweater. I tried another sweater, I loved the sweater- hated the jeans. So I put different jeans on with the cute sweater, but they were to "matchy matchy" so I changed the sweater to an oxford..but then I was lookin' a bit manish in the new outfit....by this time I was getting frustrated..you know how it goes, a huge pile of clothes sitting on the bed, with a million hangers thrown about the room, and all we can say is we have nothing to wear. So it was right about that time when I thought, you know what?.. I'm not gonna care about what I look like today and go the comfy route... I pull out my trusty old handy dandy 5 year old jeans.. slip them on with a turtelneck and sweater vest and be on my merry way.

I get to Children's to visit Caylah bear and I'm BENDING over to give her big hugs and play with her. I gave her a bath, all the while BENDING over to pick up her towels and fold her laundry. I participated in rounds-standing in a BIG circle in the MIDDLE of Children's hallway. Later in the afternoon we left Children's getting onto FILLED elevators, walking into lobby's with TONS of children...BENDING over to pick up my parking ticket that I dropped....also keep this in the back of your mind too..I'm still somewhat sniffly because of my cold, so I would have an occasional sneeze here and there followed by some nose blowing..oh how attractive I must have looked..any how....

Hubby and I came home. I went to into the bathroom not ONCE not TWICE but three times before I notice the atrocity! I turn around as I'm buttoning my jeans and OH THE HORROR! It was the most horrendously HUGE tear in the back of my jeans. No really..not that cute little peekaboo hole that jeans sometimes get that SOMETIMES looks adorable in the right moment. You know...in Jersey..with Sea blue eyeshadow big hoop earrings and velcro hightop reeboks. It definitely was NOT that cute LITTLE peekaboo hole. It didn't even say "look at me I wonder what's under that little snippit of a tear"...it said "look at me and then offer me twenty dollars to go to the nearest motel room" Mortified! mortified! mortified! All I can do is break out in hysterical laughter. I come bustin' out of the bathroom... screaming to my hubby "YOU DIDN"T NOTICE THIS" No. He says: typical boy answer! Gosh by this time I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears..I've already called two of my girlfriends...one was home and the other I left a message on her cell(can you imagine getting that message on your phone..she probably didn't even understand a word I said due to my hysterics :)

So as the laughter subsided there it was "The haunting of the day past" and it's all up there in the second paragraph..my bends, my crouches, my maneuvers through the hospital..oh the joy.

If there is one thing I have learned from this is not to believe all that sisterhood of the traveling pants crap....

Jeans don't last that long.

Milestones...

The greatest of all...Caylah bear's first birthday. We are looking forward to celebrating the most magnificent day for our little Caylah bear!!

The past two months have been quite good for her. She has had a couple of hiccups during that time but recovered quite quickly from them.

Caylah is going to have surgery for a J tube tommorrow. I am very nervous, but we know that the best surgeons will be working on her. We also found out that she has some fluid in her ears which is diminishing her hearing, so she will also have tubes put in her ears at a later date.

Caylah is 60.9cm and approx 15 lbs now. she is around the 5th percentile in her age group. I think I need to be sneakin' some Chicken nuggets in her feeds!!

I still call her my chunky monkey :)


Oh..thought I would add a picture of Jaws......

What a life huh????

Caylah bear is doing well. It has been a while since I have blogged about her. I guess you could attribute that to superstition:) Since Thanksgiving(when we almost lost her) she has had two more infections with pneumonia. The miraculous thing is that she trucked right through them like a trooper(unlike her last bought of pneumonia) She is going on a straight month and a half of Sats in the uppper 80's and 90's, lower vent settings and less medications. She has been having more awake times with us and giving us whole bunches of smiles.

She sat in her chair yesterday. We were so thrilled! We hadn't seen her in a chair since Sept!! It was wonderful..she did very well.. she napped the whole time :) Although, midway through her little adventure, she woke up and realized she was sitting in a chair and startled herself. We laughed and laughed..it was the most adorable moment!!

We had a few meetings yesterday discussing how we are going to utilize the progress that she has made to help her reach some milestones. It has been quite a shock for us to have seen her regress so much since she hawaii. She used to bottle feed, play in her activity center, sit in her Bumbo chair, tummy time with making small efforts to crawl, watch her baby Einstein, suck her paci, bounce on my knee, and play upsy daisy.

Macaylah is approaching her 1st birthday on Feb 9th. Our goals(if she allows us to) are to get her to do at least one to two things she used to be able to do back a Tamc. We meet with occupational and physical therapy this week to discuss a plan. I am so excited to get back to being more of a participant in her care. I look forward to those precious moments together again.

We wish for our little Caylah to continue to make progress. We know that at any moment our lives can change but this is a slow journey with many long and winding roads that we have been preparing ourselves for for the past 11 months. We hope to continue to make this a marathon of good days.

A new Year...

Well, another year has come and gone..and oh what a year this has been. Filled with laughter, tears, miracles, loved ones and friends. I look forward to what this year will bring us....

A first birthday for our little Caylah

A finished Residency for my husband

Our household goods :)

Visits from our friends in Hawaii

A Spring AND a fall (I know cheesy, but we only had one season in Hawaii :)

Kayaking trips through the Appalachians

More smiles from our Love Bug

Camping

Fishing

Lazy days in the Common...

and most of all, being able to reflect on the most amazing year our little Caylah has given us.

Here's to a New year filled with Love, laughter, joy and New adventures in our journey of life together!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Exactly what I said when hubby and I were driving merrily along heading to visit our little peanut when the unthinkable happened!!! We ran out of windshield wiper fluid!!! So picture this....

It's a day after a huge snow storm, the roads are still pretty yucky..the sun is glaring(off the snow mind you)and we run out of washer fluid...on the highway, in the middle of Boston traffic and us Bostonians aren't nicknamed "Mass*oles for nothing..so anyhow, of course being the numb nutted Breuders we are..what did we do? We thought that if maybe we try the fluid lever one more time we might just get a tad more out to clean the windshield...Well, we just made a mess. The windshield was now a smoky opaque..and if any of you have ever driven with me as a passenger.. you would know that I was screaming my head off thinking we were going to die at any moment!! Luckily we got to the nearest Target in one piece...otherwise my new vickies undies would have told you another story:)

FYI..lots of good sales on Christmas stuff at the Andrews Square Target..I think Chris was wishing we would have hit a gas station first :)

It's about that time...

Well it's right about that time when us Breuder's begin our Christmas shopping. It usually starts with a LIST. Well, I should correct myself. It usually starts with a SCROLL. So that's when hubby and I set a budget for how much we are going to spend that year.

Has anyone tried to set a budget for Christmas shopping? I don't know what it is..the holiday music in the stores, the perfume greeters (aren't they annoying?) The Big fat Santa that sits in the middle of the mall,or the smell of Christmas cookies from Williams Sonoma (who can resist going in that store?) There's always just one more person, or one more thing that I have to buy ..oh and should I mention one more cup of dunkin donuts hot chocolate that sends us flying way over budget.

So this year I am determined to NOT get way out of control and create craziness in my hubby's head :)

I WILL stick to a budget............

Well, unless they turn the Christmas music up louder, I actually DO like the scent that the perfume greeter sprays all over me, Santa is right next to one of my favorite stores, or..well, seriously who CAN resist Williams Sonoma? Everyone has to leave with something from that store right?

Well.... You know what they say.... "baby steps" I'll start with having only ONE cup of Hot Chocolate this year!!

...or two:)